Recently while doing my deep relaxation practice. I began experiencing deep, hurt and pain going into my heart. This was not a physical pain. It was emotional. I lied there on the floor waiting for it to go away. It didn’t. I continued to lay there just feeling the strong anger, sadness and hurtful emotions that were coming up.
I was experiencing it all right in my heart. I realized I was “heart broken.” The next thought that came to mind was, “I’m dying of a broken heart.” For years I would tell people that my dad died of a broken heart. The death of my little brother was too much for him.
After April 11th 1976. I slowly watch my dad dying. Though it did not look like it from the outside. I could see it. I could feel it!
This is what was happening to me. Decades of loss, disappointment, heart break, heartache, trying, failing, trying, failing and fighting. My body had enough! When I started a healing and lifestyle change back in 2005. I studied everything I could get my hands on about healing, health and wellness. I practiced. I healed! Yet, I’m seeing now that I’m not done.
The death of my brother Marc, the devastating sudden break-up of my first band, Chace, the divorce of my wife, the custody battle over our kids. My dad's illness, the death of my dad, the death of my grandmother, raising my children, fighting with my second wife. On and on it went!
Where was the love? The life vision I had for myself never happened! What happened to me? David Knight, the happy-go-lucky guy who loves creating music and slapping the hell out of a bass guitar! How do I get back to that guy? Better yet! How do I create a greater version of myself?
Lying on my back in a yoga posture called “Savasana.” Feeling the pain bubbling up. Told me three things.
- I have more healing to do
- I’m on the right path.
- What I’m feeling are the warning signs and messages my body was giving me
Over decades I did what almost every human on earth does. They “work through” their pain. Meaning, they keep themselves busy. Everyone seems to not want to be with their own thoughts! Or they just go on with life saying, time will heal it.
Time does not heal. In fact, I’m convinced that time conceals. One of the first things I learned was. “You can’t heal it, if you don’t feel it.” Working through life traumas and drama only hurts more. It’s worst than a Band-Aid because it never heals.
Between 1976 and 2005. I, like many, never knew that you could heal. As a matter of fact. The first psychiatrist I went to told me that she was very surprised I was still alive. She explained, often many people commit suicide after one experience like mine! I suppose that’s why we are seeing such an increase in suicide these days! Don’t get me wrong. I considered it! Then I realized. I’d never see my children grow up, or see my grandchildren. I also realized, I’d never live out my musical dreams! Even more than that. I love life a lot and I was not willing to trade it for death.
Lying there on my back and feeling that horrible pain. I knew I had more healing to do. I knew I had to get forty-years of pain out of my body. I started taking deep breaths, and upon exhaling, I focused that breath on my heart center, moving the negative energy and pain away from my heart. Breathing into areas of the body that have negative energy is a very healing practice. You often feel the effects right away! I kept doing it. Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out. Placing my hands over my heart and moving them in a circle clock wise, circling my heart.
It’s working. I feel better. I feel good. I have more work to do. A few breaths focused on my heart “does not a healing make!” It’s only a start. Healing the heart is more than a physical healing. It’s energy, it’s healing the spirit too. I’m doing more as well.
I never want to go through these life events again. Yet, I’m thankful that I did. Had I not. I would not be the person I’m becoming. I would not be able to share with my children how I healed. They would not see their father in a healing state and I would not be able to help my grand daughters as they grow up. I would not have a story to tell and share with others like you! Most of all. I’m thankful because I’m still alive.
My reason for sharing this personal story with you is because we all have pain. We all hurt, we all have sorrow. Our parents in an effort to protect us, never told us about the pain and sorrow we will experience in our lives. Those parents that did tell their children about the pain and sorrow, often had no healing practices of their own to teach their children.
Many of us don’t know that we can heal. Or simply don’t believe in it. Our bodies know. The body is made to heal. It’s up to us to learn our own personal body. Get to know yours. Try to understand what it needs to heal. Life, God, the universe, whatever you want to call it. Who cares? It’s like something or someone knew that when life started, we humans would be experiencing all types of heart break, pain, sorrow and physical hurt. And provided us with a variety of ways to heal the body, heart, mind and soul. It put much of the healing process directly in the body and it does much of the work on its own automatically. That’s amazing to me.
I think most people run from healing because it’s very painful! However, living in pain is more painful! The difference between the two is when you begin to heal, you know the pain will go away “over time.” If you don’t heal. The pain is endless!
Find out what works best for you. What do you have to lose? If nothing works, which I know is impossible, then your worst case is your life remains in pain and heartache. But if it works, and I know it will if you dig in and want it to. Then that’s a life changed. Your life…
Keep on Livin...
P.S. I’m not in the hospital right. That’s an old picture from this past June.